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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Call
Looking
Funny
Something
Scientists
Scientist
Research
Humor

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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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