Quote

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Scientists
Scientist
Research
Humor
Call
Looking
Funny
Something

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
Image
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
Image
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
Image
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
Image
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
Image
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
Image
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
Image
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
Image
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
Image
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Image
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
Image
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
Image
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
Image
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
Image
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
Image
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright