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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Research
Humor
Call
Looking
Funny
Something
Scientists
Scientist

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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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