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Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Cramps
Fish
Fishes
Eating
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright