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Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Cramps
Fish
Fishes
Eating
More quotes by Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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