Quote

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Started
Funny
Owing
Money
Taxi
Ends
Backward
Would
Driver
Drivers
Driving

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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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