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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Would
Driver
Drivers
Driving
Humor
Started
Funny
Owing
Money
Taxi
Ends
Backward
More quotes by Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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