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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Started
Funny
Owing
Money
Taxi
Ends
Backward
Would
Driver
Drivers
Driving
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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