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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Drivers
Driving
Humor
Started
Funny
Owing
Money
Taxi
Ends
Backward
Would
Driver
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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