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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Remote
Presses
Press
Harder
Humor
Dead
Control
Battery
Funny
Batteries
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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