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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Control
Battery
Funny
Batteries
Remote
Presses
Press
Harder
Humor
Dead
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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