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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Psychics
Humor
Name
Names
Asks
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright