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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Name
Names
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Funny
Psychics
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
