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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Preparations
Preparation
Humor
Happened
Whatever
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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What do batteries run on?
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright