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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Preparations
Preparation
Humor
Happened
Whatever
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright