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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Whatever
Funny
Preparations
Preparation
Humor
Happened

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright