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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Happened
Whatever
Funny
Preparations
Preparation

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright