Quote

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Last
Nuts
Funny
Played
Next
Door
Night
Doors
Humor
Mime
Went
Blast
Full
Blank
Lasts
Tape

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I took a baby shower.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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