Quote

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Full
Blank
Lasts
Tape
Last
Nuts
Funny
Played
Next
Door
Night
Doors
Humor
Mime
Went
Blast

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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