Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Saws
Humor
Friends
Funny
Light
Bulb
Change
Housekeeping
Need
Bulbs
Needs
Ads
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
