Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Needs
Ads
Saws
Humor
Friends
Funny
Light
Bulb
Change
Housekeeping
Need
Bulbs
More quotes by Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
