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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Remember
Entire
Country
Across
Years
Listen
Humor
Cassette
Year
Cassettes
Lasts
Drove
Last
Trip
Funny
Tape

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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