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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Year
Cassettes
Lasts
Drove
Last
Trip
Funny
Tape
Remember
Entire
Country
Across
Years
Listen
Humor
Cassette
More quotes by Steven Wright
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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