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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Tape
Remember
Entire
Country
Across
Years
Listen
Humor
Cassette
Year
Cassettes
Lasts
Drove
Last
Trip

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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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