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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Cassette
Year
Cassettes
Lasts
Drove
Last
Trip
Funny
Tape
Remember
Entire
Country
Across
Years
Listen

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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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