Quote

Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Years
Listen
Humor
Cassette
Year
Cassettes
Lasts
Drove
Last
Trip
Funny
Tape
Remember
Entire
Country
Across

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
Image
I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
Steven Wright
Image
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
Image
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
Image
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
Image
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
Image
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Image
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
Image
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
Image
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
Image
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
Steven Wright
Image
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
Image
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
Image
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
Image
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
Image
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright