Quote

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Bridges
Kids
Whenever
Radio
Worked
Couldn
Station
Friend
Bridge
Humor
Stations
Hear
Walked

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright