Quote

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Friend
Bridge
Humor
Stations
Hear
Walked
Funny
Bridges
Kids
Whenever
Radio
Worked
Couldn
Station

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
Image
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
Image
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
Image
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Image
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
Image
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Image
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
Image
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
Image
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
Image
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
Image
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Image
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
Image
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
Image
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
Image
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
Image
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
Image
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright