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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Changed
Name
Names
Less
Items
Funny
Sign
Eight
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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