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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Changed
Name
Names
Less
Funny
Items
Sign
Eight
More quotes by Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Steven Wright
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
