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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sign
Eight
Humor
Changed
Name
Names
Less
Funny
Items

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Steven Wright