Quote

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Speed
Hour
Limits
Humor
Hours
Cop
Funny
Pulled
Going
Limit
Miles

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright