Quote

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Limits
Humor
Hours
Cop
Funny
Pulled
Going
Limit
Miles
Speed
Hour

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright