Quote

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Roommate
Place
Furniture
Bedroom
Exactly
Humor
Told
Somebody
Gone
Rearranged

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
Image
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
Image
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
Image
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
Image
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
Image
Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
Image
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
Image
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
Image
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
Image
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
Image
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Image
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
Image
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
Image
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Image
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Image
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
Image
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
Image
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright