Quote

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Blender
Someone
Blenders
Used
Plugged
Phone
Phones
Humor
Went
Called

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
Image
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
Image
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
Image
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
Image
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
Image
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
Image
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
Image
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Image
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
Image
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
Image
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
Image
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
Image
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
Image
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Image
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright