Quote

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Called
Funny
Blender
Someone
Blenders
Used
Plugged
Phone
Phones
Humor
Went

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
Image
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
Image
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
Image
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
Image
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
Image
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Image
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
Image
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
Image
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
Image
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
Image
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
Image
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
Image
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
Image
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
Image
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
Image
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
Image
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
Image
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
Image
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright