Quote

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Paintings
Art
Museums
Like
Painting
Humor
Boys
Name
Untitled
Fire
Pail
Names
Kitten

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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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