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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fire
Pail
Names
Kitten
Funny
Paintings
Art
Museums
Like
Painting
Humor
Boys
Name
Untitled

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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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