Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Boys
Name
Untitled
Fire
Pail
Names
Kitten
Funny
Paintings
Art
Museums
Like
Painting
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
