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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Dead
Funny
Ends
Live
Way
Street
Streets
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
