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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Dead
Funny
Ends
Live
Way
Street
Streets
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
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What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright