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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sleep
Time
Sleepiness
Bumper
Naps
Annoying
Consciousness
More quotes by Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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