Quote

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amazing
Harmonica
Car
Forgot
Goes
Engine
Hours
Engines
Sound
Comedian
Take
Miles
Sounds
Hour
Harmonicas

More quotes by Steven Wright

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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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