Quote

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Take
Miles
Sounds
Hour
Harmonicas
Amazing
Harmonica
Car
Forgot
Goes
Engine
Hours
Engines
Sound
Comedian

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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