Quote

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Car
Forgot
Goes
Engine
Hours
Engines
Sound
Comedian
Take
Miles
Sounds
Hour
Harmonicas
Amazing
Harmonica

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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