Quote

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Goes
Engine
Hours
Engines
Sound
Comedian
Take
Miles
Sounds
Hour
Harmonicas
Amazing
Harmonica
Car
Forgot

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Image
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
Image
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
Image
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
Image
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Image
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
Image
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
Image
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Image
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
Image
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
Image
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
Image
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
Image
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Image
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Image
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
Image
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
Image
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
Image
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
Image
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright