Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Season
Seasons
Humor
Funny
Tourist
Tourists
Cant
Shoot
More quotes by Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
