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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tourists
Cant
Shoot
Season
Seasons
Humor
Funny
Tourist
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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