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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Cant
Shoot
Season
Seasons
Humor
Funny
Tourist
Tourists

More quotes by Steven Wright

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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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