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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fighting
Fights
Hockey
Joke
Broke
Game
Went
Games
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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What do batteries run on?
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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