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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Broke
Game
Went
Games
Fighting
Fights
Hockey
Joke

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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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