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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Bills
Speech
Free
Country
Phone
Phones

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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