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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Free
Country
Phone
Phones
Bills
Speech

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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I took a baby shower.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
Steven Wright