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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Free
Country
Phone
Phones
Bills
Speech
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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What do batteries run on?
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
