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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Madness
Somewhere
Lost
Mind
Disk
Backed

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright