Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lost
Mind
Disk
Backed
Madness
Somewhere
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright