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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Madness
Somewhere
Lost
Mind
Disk
Backed

More quotes by Steven Wright

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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright