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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Death
Going
Would
Girlfriend
Weird
Okay
Asked
Dies
Forget
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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