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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Okay
Asked
Dies
Forget
Death
Going
Would
Girlfriend
Weird
More quotes by Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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